Nothingness. That is the scary part. When you are first coming into a new country, and you know you will be here for a long time, and you have a blank slate. No friends, no concerns, no stories... not yet. You begin with a blank slate.
It's difficult to explain the mental experience when that "nothing feeling" first hits you. It's scary. It's exciting, and at the same time remarkably insecure. You know and hope that you will have a future in the new place. But you haven't connected with anyone or anything yet. But your mind and your heart must have something to think of. So until the "nothingness" of new arrival is filled with it's own drama and relationships, we cling to home.
Having people in your life on a regular basis who you really treasure and care about fills your heart with such a warm feeling. Without this, life is actually miserable and meaningless. I'm learning more and more that this is the way God built us. Not just for adventure, but to love...
I recently had the chance to go to Skopje, Macedonia. I feel in love with the friends I made in that city who I feel my heart was connected with even before I met them face to face. I am sooo thankful for these new friends, and I am so thankful to Kat who without a second thought shared and opened her "Macedonia life" to me and connected me with all of them. It is absolutely amazing to see what God is doing in that group and in that city. I was blessed and refreshed and I'll go back the first chance I get!
I am also beginning to connect with new friends here in my city, which is really great because it is something that I had struggled with nearly since the time I arrived here in Bulgaria. Burgas is a small city. There isn't a great number of people my age who stay here during the winter (most go to study in Sofia or else go abroad). Even in church, opportunities to meet and really connect with people my age seemed scarce. And since it seemed that in capital cities like Sofia and Skopje friends were just plenty, being so lonely in my own city was a difficult concept for me. But thanks to the grace of God, it seems that things in this area are really finally turning around.
In 5 days, I get to have my 4 month anniversary in Bulgaria. I simply cannot believe that it is December already. Thank you God, for your goodness and all that I have learned over this whole time!!!
Macedonia was more than wonderful
