On another note, I am struggling with a deep sadness at some of the things I see here. Of course it is no surprise, but it is different when you see it and experience it every day and you know that more places than not in the world hold a whole lot more of it as well. The city of Burgas is in many ways is a more rough place than I am used to. You have to hold your own. It makes you think you have to develop a thick, tough skin. But I'm not buying into that. There's a lot of things and personality changes that go along with that that I don't want any parts of for me. I'll let the Lord be my protector and guide. I also often struggle with loneliness, as is to be expected and I think common for anyone doing this. I've learned that it is possible to be lonely among many. It is quite easy to do.
I wish I could climb up on a mountain and look on this place from a distance... At least I can go to the sea and look at the stars in the sky and know who God is and that He's sent me.
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For a three and a half year period of time I worked in West Jefferson, NC as a news and feature reporter for the local paper. Sandi would fix a lunch for me and most every day during good weather I would take a little hike into the undeveloped area not far from my office to eat by myself. In my heart I really wanted people to invite me out to lunch and be in fellowship with those few people I counted as friends. Yet as I look back I realize that God was so near to me and was an ever present comfort. I wish I knew then what I know now and would really press into a more personal relationship with Jesus. He is closer than a brother.
ReplyDeleteYour time will come to 'look from a distance' so enjoy every moment--even the 'lonely' ones. I am so excited for you and would love to be a fly on the wall as you present and interact with your students. I know you will do a great job!
ReplyDeleteWhat things are you seeing daily which make you sad? In what ways is the city "rough"? (You know how I need examples and details! :)
ReplyDeleteThe loneliness during my own international adventures has been my greatest challenge each and every time.
"To transform the emptiness of loneliness, to the fullness of aloneness. Ah, that is the secret of life." Sunita Khosla
In a smaller way, I have been there. I'm praying for you. I love you!
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing Steph, this is an incredible journey. I'm so stoked for you. I know it'll be tough at times, but you'll grow so much. We'll be praying for you here in NC!
ReplyDeleteWe are thinking of you and will be praying for you. I know that aloneness in the midst of difficulties doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. It can be a gift and show you how near (and dear to Him) you really are to God. Remember when I first met you? You were in a different kind of hard spot in college at that specific time period for various reasons, yet because I saw something in you in your joy in Christ for going to church and worshipping (and I'd been a bit put off church in my life and didn't actually have any idea what it meant to worship God, though I believed in Him), I went to Living Water that first time. Something in your spirit "spoke" to me, and it really refreshed me. I was able to see past the bondage in my own life with despair and a spirit of religion and into what you had in terms of light from Christ. I can completely see how God would use you in Bulgaria to "speak" to anyone. You later told me that time period in your life, when I had met you, was a bit of a lonely time and very challenging, yet it was THEN that your friendship blessed me and spoke into my life what God wanted it to. I've never forgotten it, either. You were very kind hearted to me in a time when I really struggled to make any friends and was very depressed and lonely. You were one of my first friends in college, and that was three years into it, I had such trouble with that area. Your kindness was also something God used as a bridge to bring me into fellowship in a church body as I got to know others there. It was by his leading that He did all of this, and it changed my life forever. I think it's good to know there are no "minor characters" with God, that your role to play is critical where you are and not just "a part to do." His work in you is not minor either, even when the times feel quieter in that regard. He's not placed you in Bulgaria to only have you give to others; I think much of the journey is in what He is giving to you while you are in faith there. You're not forgotten here either, and may the Lord encourage you that He is with you to the height of the heights and to the depths of the depths, that the "deep" in Him calls out to the "deep" in you. He is always there for His child.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sending me this link. I look forward to catching up on your life. :)
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